I don't understand myself sometime. I'm so afraid to lose, I don't take lost very lite. For instance I'm so afraid to lose my family, my wife, kids and my mom. But why I do I gamble with my life. I tell myself every week, this is it no more. But I wake up so sick I run and go get another bag. I'm so afraid of being sick. I don't want to be just another addict. What would I do if my baby girl finds out I'm just a loser with a habit. I would rather die than her see me as that loser addict. Why can't I change. Why did I go this route. Why! Why! Why!
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